Dual Action Cleanse

While I thought I had found the greatest infomercials with the Ronco Showtime Rotisserie (side note: check out the Popeil ladies on the left side of the page...lookin' good) and the Miracle Blade knife set (caution: somewhat loud and annoying, but still amusing video comes on when entering the site), those infomercials are now retired.

I have found Dual Action Cleanse. And frankly, the website does it no justice. This infomercial must be viewed to be understood and believed.

In essence, and I quote the website to explain product, Dual Action Cleanse is a "two-part system that is formulated to maximize one's elimination without causing loose stools or uncomfortable cramping. It encourages healthy bowel movements while assisting in cleansing the vital organs and lymphatic system."

To be blunt, it sounds like an herbal remedy you take that causes you to "go" up to three times a day, which I guess is "normal" and "healthy" for some people. (I always think back to high school, when my friend Joe Balmer was in the peak part of his cross-country season, he said he would go FOUR times a day. To this day, that boggles my mind.)

Besides the fact that this product sounds like a total crock (and the number of anti-DAC websites backs that theory), the infomercial is so amusing that I can't describe it. It's the creepy creator, Klee Irwin, who can't be better described by anything other than the word "creepy," along with the "hosts" of the segment, who are the oddest couple I've ever seen. Not that they're involved or anything, but they choose this partially senile older woman and a balding and muscular middle-aged man to interview Irwin. Words just don't do it justice.

Yet, a partial, and thoroughly disturbing clip, can: Klee Irwin describes his 4-year-old daughter's earth-shattering bowel movement and how emasculated it made him feel

Unbelievable. If that hasn't convinced you to buy the product, then you can take heart in the fact that after John Wayne passed away, an autospy was done. The coroner concluded that there was FORTY-FOUR pounds of compacted and unpassed fecal matter in his large intestine. Believe it or not. Are you sold yet?

Anyway, I don't mean to gross anyone out with this. It's just what you stumble across at 1 AM on Sunday morning. And it rekindles your faith in the fact that humanity has a couple of loose screws, because you know there are folks out there buying this stuff.

(If you or someone you know has purchased Dual Action Cleanse, no offense was meant in the submission of this post.)